


I'm Both

by StevetheIcecube



Category: The Amazing Spider-Man (2012)
Genre: Even though no one else does, Gen, I actually like this, Identity Issues, Internal Conflict, Internal Monologue, One Shot, Peter Parker Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-20
Updated: 2013-08-20
Packaged: 2017-12-24 03:19:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/934689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StevetheIcecube/pseuds/StevetheIcecube
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Because even superhero/vigilantes need to have inner monologues sometimes. But with the double life that Peter leads, his always seem to end up with a bad thought.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Both

Well, hey there.

I'm Spiderman.

You know, normally, when I say that, I get greeted by shrieks of terror, or snorts, or someone saying that they're a big fan. Once, someone even had the nerve to ask me what was up with my voice, which just isn't on. I mean, so what if I'm seventeen, still go to school and I do my night job on the off that I'm not working on a school project or actually working, which basically translates to taking pictures of stuff.

Yeah.

Crap, I'm not even kidding myself here. I'm not even sure what I'm trying to persuade myself for. I'm not a psychologist. That's not something I'm going to try. I'd rather stick to what I'm good at.

But being Spiderman, well, I'm good at it, but it isn't going to support me or Aunt May because I can't claim money for it, as it's actually a criminal offence or something. Vigilante of New York.

And though I'm good at photography, how many people actually make a living out of it? Roald Dahl didn't, he won competitions with his pictures but he made his money writing books. Bet you didn't know that. Well, the first bit, anyway. I hope you know who Roald Dahl is.

Do I really want to be a scientist? I'd like to figure out what's going on with my blood, but it wouldn't be safe. Someone would find out.

Oh god. Internal monologues suck so much. It isn't fair, I can't have an internal monologue without sounding stupid.

And now I'm whining about fairness when I already know that life isn't fair. Because otherwise I'd never be having this monologue because I wouldn't be Spiderman.

Damn, when did I get so philosophical? That just isn't my style. And let me tell you, Spiderman has a whole ton of style. Wise cracks, witty jokes, etc. I think that Tony Stark even mentioned me in a speech as being witty. But then again, he rambles a lot so a bunch of people randomly appear in his speeches.

Not that most people consider Spiderman as a person. They just think that he's a mysterious superhero, or a no-good vigilante, partly responsible for the deaths of some, for saving the lives of others.

I don't really think I even consider Spiderman as a person, sometimes. He isn't me, because I'm a tongue-tied loser with a little too much cheek.

Spiderman is a hero, a smart-aleck, and a villain. He has a lot of fans, I don't.

I only have one fan, my Aunt May. And sometimes she gets mad at me. Because I sometimes turn up beaten up for no reason that I can give to her, or I come back really late, or something happens at school that I couldn't control, and then she's disappointed and brings up Uncle Ben.

And then she gets upset and I get upset and I end up being forgiven. But I know that it won't always be that way, soon the pain will wear off a little. And then she'll stay mad and it'll never be the same again.

I hate my social awkwardness, sometimes. Never knowing what to say, always wondering whether you've said the wrong thing, losing all the people you like because of stupid promises, or deaths, powers you can't control.

Sometimes, I've been tempted to just 'go missing'. Become Spiderman and live off an internet blog or something.

Or give into the spider inside me.

It scares me. Every single time I have a reflex that I know it caused by my powers, I can feel it in my gut. And every time, I go and stand under a hot shower, until the hot water runs out (and Aunt May gets mad later) or when the feeling is gone.

So, yeah, I'm Spiderman.

But Peter Parker has to come first.


End file.
